Last words.
To be read when I'm no longer existing on this earth (edits in red)...
hmms.okay.back ta last wk's entry saying dat i will post sumthing on what ta do wif my body n stuff when i suddenly say-good-bye ta dis beautiful world.cos i dn wna receive duper o-biang things when im "down" dere.lol.n again.dn worry la.cos its not as if im gna commit suicide or what.-.-
i mean who knows,you might be walking happily on da pathway n suddenly a vehicle tyre ponchek n loses control n suay suay lang ga wif you n so qiao while "flying" in da mid air,ur head hit da nearby lamp post.n tio serious concussion n died!dats it.ur shortlife ends dat way!
=(.lol.dats sho tragic n abit exaggerating yarr?lol.but i mean WHO KNOWS ryt?? Ha, I guess this level of unpredictability still stands as well? Recognising my character and things which I love to dabble in, it's actually hard to foresee me leading a long ripe life. Well, not to mention the rising terrorism threat, things really do become very volatile these days. So, having some last words is certainly necessary.
so yupps.here its goes.
okay.firstly i wna be cremated.but pls.dn ever be so dramatic n throw my ash into da sea!lol.frm young im alr v scared of da sea,marine life or whatever dats inside!so pls.DON'T DO THAT!mayb jus put my ash bside my close relatives lyk my grandparents?hmms.
n ohya.fur da wake.actually i dn really lyk da traditional wake where dere're lotsa cloth hanging arnd making it so eerie.i prefer simple n cosy kind?lol.is it possible?hmms.i wna make it as short as possible.cos i dn wan my body ta rot.lol.mayb da most 3days will do??and i dn lyk those ding dong chang or chanting of sutras.lol.cos it frightens me!n make da atmosphere so scary!eEEee.i dn lyk.i dn wna scare my families especially my lil cuz.lol. Correction, my lil cuz are probably not so lil anymore, but this still stands as I do not wish to scare off my lil nephew/niece. Never wanted any wake in any form of traditions, but if it helps my loved ones to move on, do it.
what religion??hmms.im a free thinker.but my parents r taoism.so i respect deir decision.but jus no ding dong chang pls!seriously,i prefer pop songs. Refer to correction point above.
and as fur those hell notes n stuff.i dn think i nid alot.n sumore its pollutes da air.so jus aga aga burn me sum?cos ta say da truth,i dn even know whether i can receive all those things when im "down" dere.lol.. Definitely still stands, if I can do my little part to preserve mother earth for future generations, I would and would want to do so even when I'm physically gone.
as fur what ta wear.i dn wan those zombie kinda "suit"!omg.mayb jus let me wear a beautiful night gown?i tink i will definitely look beta in a gown!lol.n ohya!i wan my beloved napkin wif me.by my side!i cant live w/o dem.o0ps i mean i cant part wif dem.not even when im dead.. Yes, please do not, I repeat, do not forget about my napkin. I can be naked, but I need my napkins. Thank you.
well.personally i prefer coffins dat r of my fav colours lyk orange pink or purple.?but i dn tink any coffin shop will sell dat.so white colour is okay ta me.lol.if its too expensive.den a normal brown one will do.lol.cos gna b burnt anyway! Over the years, I've learnt to embrace colours in my life. So any colours will do. But honestly, coffins really ain't my thing, too claustrophic even to imagine sleeping in it. =/
n pls.choose a nice foto ta put in front of my coffin.dn use those dat i look really childish.choose those dat r gd!lol.i trust my family's definition of GOOD.... lol. Again, never liked any wakes, to even have my photo hanging in front of me, it's just.. ohwell. But whatever helps to tide my loved ones through.
as fur my stuff.your can donate all my clothes or mayb my mum wld lyk ta kip sum fur memory?as fur my bats,pingpong balls,dey r of no use ta me when im dead.so dn waste it.give it ta those dat really has got great passion in pingpong.but i tink its rather SCARY ta use a dead person's bat ryt??hmms.so well.ur can decide what ta do wif dem.or mayb burn sum paper bat n balls ta me? None of these matters to me now really.
fur my fotos.if my family cant take it when dey see my pics,i suggest dey lock it up in a dark dark dark corner.cos i dn wna see dem sad when dey flip open my album.i wan them ta be happy.lol.cos i uds da feeling of losing sumone beloved forever. Guess pictures of me have diminished so much over the years with conscious effort to not partake in loads of photos. If you may wish, keep the photos which I took instead (traveling photos of nature or moments). More meaningful that way.
yes.my remaining napkins!burn sum fur me.!cos i dn tink underneath got sell napkins.lol.so atleast i nid 2sets.!if not i dn hafta wash my napkins le...
well.i tink da saddest person on earth wld be my mum.cos its da extra 10mths i had wif mum dat no one in dis world has.n it creates a special bond.so yupps.my mum can decide solely on what ta do wif stuff.if those things saddens her,feel free ta dump dem away.yupps.n i hope my dad can try his best ta console mum.atleast tell her dat i will owis be in her heart??ta make her feel beta??lol.so drama. Guess the number of people who will be sad should have steadily increased by now? Ha, would be an asshole to think that my departure affects only my immediate fam. Matured so much to understand that humans have feelings, I have and so do my very very closed friends. Although I can never say this enough, please know that I've always loved you all very very much.
as fur my savings.ofcos.it goes ta my family when im no longer arnd.ta b exact,it belongs ta my bro,sis,mum,dad n my ahgong.its not really alot but i tink its not v little too!lol. Money really ain't important to me even when I'm alive. Wonder why do I ever word this in that time. well.
hmms.dats quite alot.what else haf i missed out??hmms.ohya.if i mean IF i really say-good-bye ta all of your.rmb.its not intentional.cos i nv wish ta leave.lol.so dn scold me or say sum drama lines lyk "why dn you wait fur me!!","why do you leave so early","how cld you?".lol.cos i really DN MEAN TO!lol....joke. Probably this para is trying to highlight the fact that I've always found joy when people I loved (or are interacting with) are somewhat feeling better or having a better life. Hence it will just pain me when I know I've created or inflicted pain on people whom I've endeavoured to love wholeheartedly. So please, live on happily knowing that I've always strived to live my life to the fullest. I won't regret living this life and that's because I've spent it with the people I've known and loved all these while.
fur all these yrs.deres two person dat i really missed.one is my grandma.i really miss her alot alot.at such a young age i cld alr feel da impact of losing her.which shows dat she really means alot ta me.its a lifetym regret.yeaa.it is.cos i din treasure her enuff.she din say gd bye ta me n she left..so suddenly..i really missed her.so much.............. I still miss my grandma a lot a lot but as years passed by, I've realised that living in the present and loving people you have now are far far more important. Please always remember that hwc.
another one is sumone dat i really longed ta see.sumone dat makes a big difference in my life.wells............its jus dat sumone. Honestly, I do not remember who is this "someone" anymore. Ha, but hopefully this someone is getting on well.
hmms.so yupps.IF one day im no longer arnd.can sum kind souls who happened ta read n rmbed dis entry kindly advise my family,or rather my parents what ta do wif my body n stuff.lol.atleast dey wldnt b so lost!thnx so much! Somehow I feel that my parents have gone through so much that they probably could tide through this too. But if you could, reiterate to them that I've never once regretted being born to this family. I've always knew how blessed I was to have them as my folks. For always giving us the best, the best they could ever have but yet hoping for no returns. Although it definitely pains me to go before they could, I seek solace in knowing that we've spent many many memorable times together and that we've really loved unconditionally. But I know, I will miss them so damn so damn much.
okayy.i tink dat shuld b all?lol.i think i typed really long!haha.so yupps.nights pple
take care.!! treasure n be true ta yourself.!
Edit 30/5/16
10 years later, hope it's not too late to update this post. Very surprised that many things I said above are still valid, just that ahgong is no longer around and I have few more people that I really miss so much now. So what's so important that I want it included. Well, it's definitely my diaries. I may or may not be able to physically destroy my diaries but in the event that I can't, please if you're reading this, please do me a favour by destroying my diaries (4 books as of now), do not read them. If you love me, please follow my last wish. Thank you so much and love you all very very much.
Edit 20/4/19
Maybe this will be the last time I'm gonna edit this post. Maybe it's cause mama is no longer around maybe it's cause I've learnt to say whatever I could to all my loved ones and there should be nothing more left to say. Whoever I've loved, I've loved with all my heart. Okay, maybe just some admin details to facilitate monetary matters:
Well, the end of admin matters, although it's not a lot of money and I don't think my family would need it, I hope these money could be helpful for other cause. I'm all for using them for charity. It has always been my wish to do whatever I can to positively impact the next generation. Whether it's to adopt/support a less privileged kid (from singapore or overseas) or to contribute towards a education trust fund for my niece/nephews, am all for it.
Finally, if I haven't been clear, let me repeat this again.
If there comes an unfortunate time where I can't decide for my fate, let the decision, or rather my decision, be clear. If there's no way to regain my ability to travel this world freely (e.g. if I have to be paralysed for the rest of my life, or not have the ability to interact consciously and meaningfully), let me go.
Breathing with no free will to move is akin to an alive soul trapped in a lifeless body. And it's a no for me.
If you love me, let me go and take on my spirit to live this (your) life fully.
There's afterall mama on the other side.
Edit 20/4/19
Maybe this will be the last time I'm gonna edit this post. Maybe it's cause mama is no longer around maybe it's cause I've learnt to say whatever I could to all my loved ones and there should be nothing more left to say. Whoever I've loved, I've loved with all my heart. Okay, maybe just some admin details to facilitate monetary matters:
Well, the end of admin matters, although it's not a lot of money and I don't think my family would need it, I hope these money could be helpful for other cause. I'm all for using them for charity. It has always been my wish to do whatever I can to positively impact the next generation. Whether it's to adopt/support a less privileged kid (from singapore or overseas) or to contribute towards a education trust fund for my niece/nephews, am all for it.
Finally, if I haven't been clear, let me repeat this again.
If there comes an unfortunate time where I can't decide for my fate, let the decision, or rather my decision, be clear. If there's no way to regain my ability to travel this world freely (e.g. if I have to be paralysed for the rest of my life, or not have the ability to interact consciously and meaningfully), let me go.
Breathing with no free will to move is akin to an alive soul trapped in a lifeless body. And it's a no for me.
If you love me, let me go and take on my spirit to live this (your) life fully.
There's afterall mama on the other side.
Love,
Chen
PS: my personal details (bank & insurances) are logged in my phone’s journal app, password protected w the last 4 digit of my mobile.